But I won t ON HOLD
by LadyHazellyn
Summary: Rachel s mother has met her old friend again, and he just happens to have a son in Rachel s age. Great! What follows is a lot of art, hate, and somewhere along those lines...love. OCTACHEL This story is currently on hold.
1. The Introduction

**Olá mishamigos**

 **So, at first I wrote an Octachel story up on here, and my mind keeps coming back to that.**

 **So...a song fic. feat. Octachel.**

 **Enjoy "But I won´t!"**

Angrily, she blew her hair out of her face, leaning her head against the window of her mother´s car, trying to ignore the voice of her mother talking about how nice the man was and that he had a son just in her age! And he loved to draw, too!

But no one ever asked her how she felt about that. Her mother didn´t care that she would love to spend her evening otherwise, with doodling on her drawing pad, talking to her friends (online) on tumblr and endlessly reblog pictures of an artist which she was in love with, and who drew the best fanart that was there of the greek and roman gods.

But of course, her mother didn´t care, and so they had been driving now for the last fifteen minutes to see a friend of her mother, single, who had a boy in her age, so her mother wouldn´t have to deal with her.

She sighed again, listening to the music that came out of her earphones. Sleeping with Sirens. Good music.

Her mother still was rambling about her friend and his son, did she not notice that Rachel simply didn´t care?

" Oh, we´re there. Behave, Rachel. I swear to god, if you don´t behave...you could at least have dressed nicer, but I guess that will do as well...please, behave! I haven´t seen Fergus in ages." Her mother said, and Rachel looked down on her clothes.

A green sweater, black jeans. What was the problem with that?

" His name is Fergus?" She asked, and her mother sighed.

" Just behave for one time, Rachel Dare. Just one time. For me."

 _I´m an Angel with a Shotgun, Shotgun, Shotgun_

The door opened, and there was a man, her mothers age, and they hugged, before the man turned to her.

" And you have to be Rachel! Anne told me a lot about you!" Fergus said, and she nodded, shook his hand before he gestured them in, and then there was the son her mother had been talking about son much.

She hated him right there, right on instance.

This ridicously blonde hair, that looked like wet spaghetti; stupid, pale blue eyes, that looked around, twitched when they settled down on her. The boy shook his head slightly, and she held her head up higher, crossing her arms over her chest.

This stupid boy, who did he think he was.

But she said to her mother she would behave, so she put on a fake smile, walking over to the boy, holding out her hand for him to shake.

" Hello. I´m Rachel. And you?" She asked, and the boy sighed, as if he was to high for her...this idiot!

" Octavian. Pleased to meet you" The boy said, shaking her hand, but it felt like he actually tried to break it, so she pulled her hand away quickly, stepped back.

This guy was strange.

 _An Angel with a Shotgun, Shotgun, Shotgun_

Her mother coughed awkwardly, and Fergus started talking.

" Octavian, why don´t you and Rachel go and hang out in your room?" He asked, and Octavian sighed, gesturing her down a floor.

He kept mumbling all the time, so she just followed him silently, angry at her mother for bringing her into this situation.

Finally, Octavian opened a door and she stepped into a room where literally everything was taken up by weird pictures.

Pictures of animals, which were oddly accurate drawn; Pictures, polaroids, of different girls...previous girlfriends?, she thought; and even a few sketches of old celebrities.

They...were okay...

Okay, she liked the pictures, but she hates the boy.

He looked at her. " So...you now know what I like, but...I already know everything about you, so, just be silent" Octavian said, and she raised her eyebrows.

" Oh, is that so? You know everything about me? Sure" She said, crossed her arms again when he nodded.

" You try to be cool in your black jeans, because you want to look Hipster. You probably love chatting and gossipping. You like 5 Seconds of Summer; and you don´t want to be here because you want to hang out with your cute little hipster Boyfriend." Octavian said, and she gave a snort.

" Oh, you really know me." She said.

 _Get out your guns_

He nodded, and she laughed again.

" Well, Octavian, let me tell you something: Just because I wear black and like weird music, does not mean I´m a Hipster. Just because there are girls that like something I like, does that mean I´m Hipster? You don´t even know me for longer than five minutes, so stop labeling me." She said, and it was priceless, seeing his face drop.

He opened his mouth and closed it again, while she just stood there, arms crossed, chin held up high.

" And now, if you would be so nice and hand me paper, a rubber and a pencil, I would like to spent my time nice." She added, and maybe, maybe she won this round.

He looked confused, and so she sat down at his chair, thinking that she really won.

" Well, at least I really can draw" He said, but she just laughed again.

" Shut up, Octavian...what even is this name? Did your Dad go all Rome on you?" She asks, but now, he laughs again. Dammit!

" Oh, I´m sorry, Rachelle" He said, crossed his arms as well. " I´m sorry that my name has class...while your´s Rachelle"

" It´s Rachel" She responded, coldly. " and now shut up, I hate hearing you talk" She added.

" Of course you do"

" yeah!"

" Sure."

" Shut up, I said!" She shouted angrily, tugging her earphones in again and blasting music.

Stupid evening, stupid Octavian, stupid everything.

 _Battle's begun_

 _Are you a saint or a sinner?_

 _If love's a fight_

 _Then I shall die_

 _With my heart on a trigger_

 _They say before you start a war_

 _You better know what you're fighting for_

 _Well baby, you are all that I adore_

 _If love is what you need, a soldier I will be_

 _I'm an angel with a shotgun_

 _Fighting 'til the war's won_

 _I don't care if heaven won't take me back_

 _I'll throw away my faith, babe_

 _Just to keep you safe_

 _Don't you know you're everything I have?_

 _And I..._

 _Wanna live, not just survive_

 _Tonight_

 _Sometimes to win_

 _You've got to sin_

 _Don't mean I'm not a believer_

 _And Major Tom_

 _Will sing along_

 _Yeah, they still say I'm a dreamer_

 _They say before you start a war_

 _You better know what you're fighting for_

 _Well baby, you are all that I adore_

 _If love is what you need, a soldier I will be_

 _I'm an angel with a shotgun_

 _Fighting 'til the war's won_

 _I don't care if heaven won't take me back_

 _I'll throw away my faith, babe_

 _Just to keep you safe_

 _Don't you know you're everything I have?_

 _And I..._

 _Wanna live, not just survive_

 _Tonight_

 _Ohh, ohh whoa whoa, ohh..._

 _I'm an angel with a shotgun, shotgun..._

 _I'm an angel with a shotgun_

 _Fighting 'til the war's won_

 _I don't care if heaven won't take me back_

 _I'm an angel with a shotgun_

 _Fighting 'til the war's won_

 _I don't care if heaven won't take me back_

 _I'll throw away my faith, babe_

 _Just to keep you safe_

 _Don't you know you're everything I have?_

 _And I... (I'm an angel with a shotgun)_

 _Wanna live, not just survive (Live, not just survive)_

 _And I..._

 _I'm gonna hide, hide, hide my wings tonight_

 _They say before you start a war_

 _You better know what you're fighting for_

 _Well baby, you are all that I adore_

 _If love is what you need, a soldier I will be_

 **-Hazellyn**


	2. Taviqan

**Hello LadyHazellyn´s stones and secret Jem´s!**

 **(Jem made me write that I´m so sorry)**

 **Okay, enjoy the second chapter of the hell ever this is.**

 ***Waves frantically and gets knocked out by Jem***

 _ **Yah, enjoy. - thatoneJemstone 2k15**_

She didn´t know how long the two of them sat there, occasionally saying something mean to each other, when finally her mother came back.

Anne looked happy, and while Rachel had one of the worst evenings in her life, her mother had seemed to enjoy it. Fair enough, she thought. And if she was lucky, the next time her Mother would go and meet Fergus, she could stay at home. Drawing, Tumblr, reading.

She looked already forward to it.

" Had you two have a nice time together?" Anne asked, and before she could even respond, this total git of Octavian already answered.

" Sure we had, right, Rachelle?" He said, and she shot him an angy glance. " In fact, your daughter has a great taste in Music!" He added, and her mouth dropped. Who did this boy think she was.

So she played along.

" Oh and Octavian told me so much good stuff about his art...and, his friends, for instance." She added, and now it was him who shot her an angry glance, followed by a fake smile.

Her mother didn´t seem to notice.

" Good, because we stay until 11 pm, okay, Rachel? Have fun!" Her mother said, walking off again.

She opened her mouth, what even was this madness!

Three more hours with Octavian, well, thanks and no!

If she could have chosen having to hang around with the girl she hated the most in school, Drew Tanaka, and Octavian, she...would have gladly chosen Octavian but, listen, Drew was the worst of all girl´s she knew. (Except maybe for her school´s greatest bitch, Calypso.)

So, at least Octavian drew, right?

She sighed, sitting down on his chair again.

" So...you like my taste in music, huh?" She asked, and he snorted again.

" Dream on, Rachelle" Octavian said, and she groaned angrily " But, nice to know that you like my Art. You may...no. I would have said you probably saw it on the Internet sometimes, but I don´t think that you like Greek Mythology." He said, and now, again, it was her turn to laugh.

" Oh, is that so? Maybe I know your art." She said, and was all of sudden scared that he might be her favourite Artist...but yet again, of what she saw, his style was different from EvAlinns.

He gave her a fake smile.

" Taviqan." He said, and she froze, because she actually knew his art. He was one of the Artists she had a conversation with so often, and they even had done a project together already...he had been drawing Zeus and she had contributed Hera...

" Oh, I actually know your art...it´s not my favourite." She said, and he rolled his eyes.

" As if you could draw better. Please" He said, and for one moment she actually thought about telling him that it was her who he texted almost every night regulary. But she decided to keep it...because this was going to be fun, she thought.

" I´m just saying that I like the art of another artist better. I think her name is...Meridiana? Or something like that...To be honest, all my life, I thought Taviqan was a girl." She said, giving him a fake smile as well, when he sighed.

" Well, no. But, if you´re happy to hear it, I´m actually friends with Meridiana. Just in case your interested." He added, and she smiled.

Who would have thought that?

Well, clearly not she. She actually believed that Taviqan had to be a girl, since they got along so well. Even more, she had thought Taviqan was a lesbian girl since she often would sent her hearts. And now, this git sitting there was her friend.

Oh no.

Well, at least she knew now that he could be different.

" As if I was interested in that. You probably went on her nerves until she noticed you. Come on, why on earth would she want to be friends with you?" She asked, turned away, in case she was blushing.

Funnily enough, it had been the excact other way around. It had been here who spammed Octavian with requests until he finally noticed her. Gods, it had been hilarious.

And now he was there, right in front of her, and she _couldn´t stand_ him.

Well, now, that was hilarious as well.

" Oh, what do you know" He said, and she laughed.

" More than you know."

And that was true.

 _ **A/N: In case you didn´t notice, you will not get rid of me so easily again.**_

 **And this Author´s note is stupid I´m not done with writing yet.**

 _ **Shut up, we´re done.**_

 **Just...a bit more.**

 _ **Fine.**_

It´s weird, talking to the boy she actually is friends with over the Internet, when in person, she really does not like him-

And he even has her phone number!

She got out her phone, where it actually readt that she had two missed mesages from "Taviqan 3", looking down at her phone she silently reads them. How can this nice, caring person she knows, who is into drawing...how could this be the boy sitting across from her, how could this be Taviqan?

It was almost embarassing, just thinking about that he practically knew everything about her.

Which was even weirder, since she practically knew everything about him.

The second message was weirder than the first one, like a silent scream for help, because he hates that girl next to him and wishes he could spend more time with her, instead of this girl.

She can´t help but smile.

" Why are you smiling?" Octavian asked and booted her back into reality, where he wasn´t as half as friendly as when he wrote to her.

In reality, he was a stupid, selfish prick, who she would love to never see again.

" Just a message." She said " A nice message. I don´t know if you could ever write something like that, but..." She trailed of, which was just lies, because she knew that he could write something like that to her. Already did so.

So she just nodded when he asked if it was from her boyfriend, because he didn´t really need to know that it hits her square in the chest, that the person she considers her best friend is this complete git, this idiot she can´t even stand the voice of.

This can´t be her best friend, it can´t be.

But it was.

And to be honest, right now she didn´t knew how to deal with that.

How do you deal when you all of sudden hate your best friend, how do you deal with that?

It felt all so weird to her, and so she just continued staring at her phone in utter, deep disbelieve.

 **And that was that again. Below, you can find a few of mine and Jem´s conversations, since he is helping me write this stuff.**

 **-Hazy.**

 _The Conversations we have while writing_

 **Hazy**

 _ **Jem**_

 **Okay, but what if Octavian was the artist she adores so much**

 _ **Hazy no**_

 **It would be cute**

 _ **it´s too cliche**_

 **Stfu you don´t know anything**

 _ **HAZY NO**_

 **JEmmmmmmm please**

 _ **No**_

 **Jemmmmmmmm**

 _ **OKAY BUT NOT THE ARTIST**_

 _ **THE OTHER ONE**_

 **which other one**

 _ **THE OTHER ONE**_

 **I s2g Jem**

 _another conversation:_

 _ **Let´s end it here**_

 **No, i have great plans!**  
 _ ***literally makes out with me to keep me of writing***_

 **great plans**

 _ *** making out***_

 **PLANS JEM; PLANS!1!1**

 _my favourite:_

 ***working on this chapter* Look how high we can flyyyy**

 _ **Hazy how much have you been drinking**_

 **We were together all day how the f could I have been drinking**

 _ **How much**_

 **why do I love this idiot**


	3. til the world stops turning round

**I`M SORRY FOR NOT POSTING**

 **F me with a spork, the plane company was on strike and I had no Internet access**

 **But, therefor, I have about seven chapters already written out**

 **So, make up your mind because this is going to become very nice...**

 **Ay**

 _ **Ay**_

He stares down at his phone, waiting, praying.

Please answer, he thinks, looking at her profile picture, a drawn Athena, perfect and without any flaws-

And he waits, because why the hell isn´t she answering him?

He wrote her two messages, and she hasn´t been answering either of them...maybe she was busy, but it was Friday...and they always texted on Friday. She was against calling, for some reason.

He wanted to tell her about the girl he met today, this weird Rachel or what her name was.

But this girl, the girl he is awaiting a text of. she´s weird as well, okay...but she is weird in a perfect, perfect way-

Meridiana.

 _When your well is drying up_

And all he did was sitting there on his bed, waiting for her to respond.

Why is she taking so long, usually they text each other like all the time. Especially on Fridays, but okay. Maybe she was busy.

So, he drew instead, dozens of small, weird faces, portraying Hestia and Demeter. He was going to ask Meridiana about a collab, where they draw Poseidon and Amphtrite together, and maybe this time she will say yes to his request of facecamming each other.

He would like to finally see her, because they´ve been talking to each other for a little over a year now, and still he never saw her face, only her hands sometimes in some pictures. Lanky, pale hands, with green nailpolish.

He sighed, looking at his phone again and nearly gaping with joy as he saw that he had one message. Please be Meridiana, he prayed silenty, please be her.

It was not.

It was his cousin, Will, who asked if he had any idea what to get his boyfriend, Nico di Angelo, who would have birthday next week.

No, he didn´t.

All he knew right now, was, that he wanted to talk to Meridiana so badly.

He wrote her another message, just casually.

" Hey! Wanna draw on Llevoid?"

The answer came almost immidiately.

" Oh gods! Yes! Sorry, I´ve been crazyyy busy...any ideas?" She wrote him, and he couldn´t help but smile, already opening his Llevoid log, where a message poped up. " Meridiana has entered this log"

" Hestia? I haven´t done her before...have you?" He wrote, watched as her pen already doodled over the page, he added: " My dad intoduced me to a girl...she´s ugh! But, like, she has an art blog and she KNOWS US" He wrote, sent the message.

" C´mon, I bet she wasn´t that bad" He received her message, watching her doodling a few persons while he thinks about his next message; she was sketching a tall person with curly hair, which he erased and covered in sleeky hair. He loved their little fights while drawing at the same person. He smiled a bit.

 _like a desert into dust_

" No, I swear! She was stupid...blue or brown dress?" He wrote, continued drawing.

" You just met her! Get to know her first, then you come back complaining, ok? and brown I would have said"

He readt her message, rolled his eyes. Rachel Dare and not that bad, sure.

But still, when he reads that text, he couldn´t stop smiling like the total idiot he was. Gods, what power does that girl have above him, making him act so stupid? It´s hilarious.

" Maybe, kay?- Meridiana stop changing the background to purple I swear-" He texted her, when he got another notification.

A call from his maths partner Leo Valdez.

" I´m back soon" He texted Meridiana, then answered the call.

" What do you want, Leo?" He asked, and sighed, when his partner started talking about maths, using up the already short time he had to spent with Meridiana.

Once again, he wondered what she might look like. Brown hair, blonde? Blue eyes, maybe?

He wondered if she was thinking aboot him, as well.

Did she have a boyfriend, or was she single? Did she like him? Was she ever wondering if he was in love with her?

It seemed pretty weird, him, being in love with her, a girl he only knew online.

But it was the truth.

Okay, he already had been in love with another girl he met online, long time before Meridiana came around.

It had been a blogger girl named Lucy aka "Paperlucies"

It had turned out that she had only been flirting with him to make her real life boyfriend jealous.

He had been heartbroken for something over two months, until one night, when a person named "Meridiana" had reposted all of his artwork, followed him on tumblr and Llevoid, left him a request to collaborate sometimes.

At first, he had thought that she was just someone who seeked attention, but then he saw her art; and it turned out that she seemed interesting.

She was crazy, yes...but in a good way.

They had been working together often since then, and some of the new fans only knew them as "Taviqan and Meridian", while some of the old fans even had started shipping them.

To him, it was funny.

 _and there´s no rain on the horizon_

And so, after maybe...six months of talking to her..., he had had figured it out.

Maybe it wasn´t that usual friendship he felt towards those black letters on white ground,aybe it hadn´t been just friendly excitement whenever he got a message from her.

He had talked to Will about it, and that hade made it clear.

Sometimes he wished that he didn´t fall in love with her...because that meant he couldn´t stop comparing the other girls to her. It meant, that he went to all his dances alone. She was worth it, though...

" At least try and be nice to that girl, yeah?" She texted him, making him come back to reality.

He rolled his eyes when the next message already came.

" For me, okay, Tavi?" She texted him, and now he couldn´t be mean to Rachel Dare anymore, even if he wanted to.

" Okay." He wrote. " But just because it´s you."

He smiled a bit.

 _I'll be there to fill your cup_

 _I will love you till the world stops turning_

 _and ever after when it comes_

 _and all the days between i left for learning_

 _what this life's about_

 _so I'll love you till the world stops turning round_

 _When your burdens weigh you down_

 _like a cloud about to burst_

 _wrist your head upon my shoulder_

 _and I will carry all your hurt_

 _I will love you till the world stops turning_

 _and ever after when it comes_

 _and all the days between I left for learning_

 _what this lifes about_

 _so I'll love you till the world stops turning round_

 _When our bodies fall apart_

 _a broken puzzle of the past_

 _we can put it back together_

 _cause honey all the good things left_

 _I will love you till the world stops turning_

 _and ever after when it comes_

 _and all the days between I left for learning_

 _what this lifes about_

 _so I'll love you till the world stops turning round_

 **FINALLY**

 **I´m in Berlin (the german capital city) from wednesday on, so...no updates..sadly**

 **And Jem´s there, too...so...**

 **Man I really want to write Hipster!Piper into this..**

 **idk idk idk**

 _ **Neither do I tbh**_

 **See you soon, please leave a review and stuff!**  
 **BYE**

 _ **BYe**_

 **-LadyHazellyn +** _ **thatoneJemstone**_


	4. Hello

_**HELLOOOO**_  
 _ **IT`S MEEEE**_

 **jem no**

 _ **I`M IN CALIFORNIAAA**_

 **HELLO FROM THE OUTSIDE**  
 _ **AT LEAST I CAN SAY THAT I TRIED**_

 **to post even if I was in Berlin...sorry!**

 **Here, have this super long Chapter 4!**

 _ **IT DOESN`T TEAR YOU APART ANYMORRREEEE**_

 **Enjoy it!**

The first thing she noticed after she woke up was, that her head ached.

It was a cold saturday, and her mother had told her that they would visit Octavian and his father again today.

And now, she was ill.

In a crazy way, it was good. She wasn´t ready to face Octavian, not after the last time, when he had turned out to be her best internet friend.

In person, gods, she hated him in person; but when he was Taviqan, acting like her best friend in the whole world, then he was great.

 _Hello_

Her mother made sure she had everything she needed before making her way to Octavian and his father, Fergus; told her to call her if something went wrong, and even promised her that if she would be better by tomorrow, she could go in two weeks and go to the ArtCon in New York, which she received the invitation for today. Meridiana would be at ArtCon, she thought, coughed again, then looked at her phone shortly.

A message, from no one else than Octavian himself, popped up, made her smile a bit. Wait, why was she smiling? She hated Octavian!

Octavian, yes. Taviqan...not so much.

" RACHEL IS ILL! WOOO!" Octavian had texted her, and she rolled her eyes, supressing feeling either offended or smiling.

" You´re so mean" She texted him back, opening her tumblr and looking at the requests, when a video popped up in her messages...a video?

She looked it up, and closed the page in as a huge wave of shock overcame her...

The video was from noone else than Octavian...Taviqan himself, wit the cover set as his own face-

" Hey, I just saw that you went offline, and...are you okay?" He texted her now, but she was to busy coming to breath again. If he revealed his face as Taviqan to her, did that mean that he wanted to see her face as well? Did that mean he wanted to see her, did that mean that she had to reveal that the girl he was always so nice to, Meridiana, the artist; that she was Rachel Dare, the freak, the loser with no friends in real life?

She couldn´t do that, at least not now. Maybe later. Maybe never.

Shaking, she opened tumblr again, clicked on the video.

 _it´s me_

" Um...Hi." said Video-Octavian, his messy blonde hair falling into his eyes, his blue eyes staring right into the camera. " So...Hi. Gods, that´s awkward. Um...Hi. My name is Octavian...but you know me as Taviqan. I thought that, maybe it´s time, time that you finally get to know how I look like. So, yeah. That´s me. You know the rest about me already. You don´t have to send me a video, I know how uncomfortable that makes you. I wish that we could see each other on ArtCon in New York, if you´re going. My father won´t let me. So...that´s it...Bye"

She raised her eyebrows while watching the video, watched it over and over again, because that was so not Octavian of him, being so nice.

When they had met in person, even if he didn´t knew she was Meridian back then, he had been so mean, so ignorant; you could even say he had been narcisstic; and as soon as he didn´t saw her as Rachel Dare any longer, oh how nice he was then, all of sudden.

She shuddered, angry, but touched at the same time.

It wasn´t fair, to her, that even people who only knew her over the Internet were mean to her in person.

But it had always been that way.

The bullying she had to live through whenever she was in real life had started when she fell in love in 5th Grade, with a boy named Percy Jackson. Gods, he still was handsome, but he was in a relationship with another girl, and she was nice, smart. They were cute together.

But, back to 5th Grade.

Unfortunately, at the same time as she fell for him, another girl, 6th class already, liked Percy.

Her name was Calypso Nymph, and she was so pretty, so perfect. She was in Rachels class now, since she failed one grade last year and now was in 11th class like Rachel.

And since then, nothing had changed.

Rachel didn´t have any friends in real life, only Internet friends, and even some of them left her. Everyone left her.

Until Taviqan came along.

She took her phone, texted him, feeling stupid all of sudden.

Why didn´t she just reveal herself?

 _I was wondering if after all these years_

The problem was, that she was afraid.

Afraid that of Octavian would find out who she really was, he would leave her, too.

" Your video was cute" She typed into her phone, sent it to Octavian, a smile on her face when the response came.

" Lies. I´m not cute...but, like, could you tell me your name, maybe?" He had texted, and she closed her eyes, shaking a bit.

Her head started aching again, but then, she opened her eyes again, and decided to take the risk.

" My name is Rachel. Like your weird friends." She typed.

Gods, this was risky. Risky, risky, risky.

" Woah, that´s funny" He had wrote " AND she´s NOT my friend!"

She readt the message, smiling; then, the next message came.

" Rachel is a cute name...because it´s yours."

Blushing, she bit her lip, her head aching once again, and she felt her eyelids drooping down, she yawned.

" Are you flirting with me?" She typed, then drifted of into a weird dream.

 **Rachel, at the ArtCon, smiling, happy.**

 **But what is that? There are no other artists, only she, and the fans...those fans are scary...**

 **Bloodshot eyes, and mean smiles...they look like Calypso Nymph.**

 **They are throwing her down, to the floor, laughing at her.**

 **" Stupid girl"**

 **She s´tries to stand up, but they are hitting her, and she is freezing all of sudden, when another person comes into her eyesight. Octavian.**

 **Taviqan.**

 **He looks shocked, running to her. " Meridiana!" He cries out, but then stops when he sees her properly.**

 **" You´re not Meridiana!" He says, coldly " You´re a freak...this freak...Rachel!"**

 _You´d like to meet_

 **" Right" One of the Calypsos says, smiling at him. " I´m Meridiana. Just ignore Rachel, that freak"**

 **And then, Octavian...**

 **No, Taviqan...is leaving her, while for her eyes, everything collapses to grey and black, the word LIAR floating infront of her eyes, red words on black ground.**

 **She´s shivering, whispering.**

 **" Don´t leave me...I need you"**

 **She´s whispering " I need you", over and over and over-**

and then, she woke up, sweaty.

Her mother was sitting next to her, holding her hand.

" Dear, are you okay? You cried out...the fever is so high. But, I hope that you will be fine soon. Sleep" Her mother said, running a hand over Rachel´s sweaty forehead, and Rachel did as her mother said, fell asleep-

When she woke up again, her mother was gone, and it was still dark outside.

She had one unreadt message on her phone, and looked at it, even if the light hurt her eyes.

It was a message from Octavian, and she shivered, remembering her dream.

Only a dream, she thought, but could it be the reality?

She begged, prayed to god that it wasn´t, would never be.

When she opened the message and readt it, a shiver went down her spine-

" Have been for the past year, but thanks for noticing"

It didn´t make any sense to her.

Not even a bit.

 _to go over_

 _Everything_

 _They say that time's supposed to heal ya_

 _But I ain't done much healing_

 _Hello, can you hear me?_

 _I'm in California dreaming about who we used to be_

 _When we were younger_

 _and free_

 _I've forgotten how it felt before the world fell at our feet_

 _There's such a difference_

 _between us_

 _And a million miles_

 _Hello from the other side_

 _I must've called a thousand times_

 _to tell you I'm sorry_

 _for everything that I've done_

 _But when I call you never_

 _seem to be home_

 _Hello from the outside_

 _At least I can say that I've tried_

 _to tell you I'm sorry_

 _for breaking your heart_

 _But it don't matter,_

 _it clearly doesn't tear you apart anymore_

 _Hello_

 _how are you?_

 _It's so typical of me to talk about myself_

 _I'm sorry_

 _I hope_

 _that you're well_

 _Did you ever make it out of that town_

 _Where nothing ever happened?_

 _It's no secret_

 _That the both of us are running out of time_

 _Hello from the other side_

 _I must've called a thousand times_

 _to tell you I'm sorry_

 _for everything that I've done_

 _But when I call you never seem to be home_

 _Hello from the outside_

 _At least I can say that I've tried_

 _to tell you I'm sorry_

 _for breaking your heart_

 _But it don't matter,_

 _it clearly doesn't tear you apart anymore_

 _Ooooohh, anymore_

 _Ooooohh, anymore_

 _Ooooohh, anymore_

 _Anymore_

 _Hello from the other side_

 _I must've called a thousand times_

 _to tell you I'm sorry_

 _for everything that I've done_

 _But when I call you never seem to be home_

 _Hello from the outside_

 _At least I can say that I've tried_

 _to tell you I'm sorry_

 _for breaking your heart_

 _But it don't matter, it clearly doesn't tear you apart anymore_

" Are you flirting with me?"

" Have been for the past year, but thanks for noticing"

 **I´m back from Berlin, and traumaticised.**

 **It´s terrible what happened around the world.**

 **#prayfortheworld.**

 _ **#prayfortheworld**_

 **Anyways, if you enjoyed the chapter, make sure to leave a review,a follow or a favourite.**

 ***lizzy voice***

 **ANd I´ll see you soon**

 _ **BYE**_

 **-Hazy and** _ **Jem**_


	5. Me against the world

**I`m a nightmare, a disaster**

 _ **that´s what they always sayyy**_

 _ **IT`S US AGAINST THE WORLd**_

 **It´s us against the world, Jem.**

 **Enjoy Chapter 5!**

It was getting colder outside, and while Rachel walked through the city of New York, she thought of the possibility of having snow for christmas again, since last year it had been raining; but there hadn´t been any snow since two years ago in New York.

She was heading over to Central Park, because she always could concentrate on drawing well there, and she also hadn´t seen her friend, the lady who sold food to children and her to feed the ducks in quiet a while.

But today, Myrta wasn´t there.

Rachel sighed, sitting down on the nearest bench she could find, and got out her sketchbook, looking around for something, someone to draw; the Park always had been her favourite place to draw people.

She let her eyes trail over everyone, when she felt someone sitting down on the bench next to her.

Could it be? No, Octavian would never sit next to her, and she hadn´t had any other friends than him...well, than Taviqan.

" Rachel?" A voice next to her said, and she turned her face to look at the person talking to her.

The grey eyes and the sheepish grin of Malcolm Chase, Annabeth´s cousin, were right in front of her.

 _We´re not gonna be just a part of their game_

" Oh. Hello, Malcolm" She said, and closed her sketchbook absimently, because there was a sketch in it, of Octavian.

And Malcolm really didn´t need to see that.

" What are you doing here?" Malcolm asked her, and she looked out on the lake she was sitting at.

In school, he never talked to her; although, he never was mean to her, either. He just didn´t seem to care that she existed, even if they were partners in science- they never had talked, really talked before.

" Oh, you know. Admiring November, drawing a bit..." She said, and he laughed, a real, honest laugh that made her wonder why they had never talked before.

" Yeah, you draw quite a lot. I heard others talk about your sketches...Annabeth says they are great; but I heard different opinions" Malcolm said, and she had to turn away in order for him not to see her face fall down; but he already did, reached out to touch her shoulder now, lightly.

" Hey, I know what Calypso and the others say about you. They´re...not really nice" He said, and then she said " No shit, Sherlock" and then he laughed again and invited her for coffee at Starbucks and she said yes, because she didn´t know what would happen.

 _We're not gonna be just the victims_

 _They're taking our dreams and they tear them apart_

He looked at the girl in front of him and just now realized how boring she was; and that she had nothing in common with the girl he was in love with whatsoever.

He didn´t even know why he asked her out in first place.

Because he wanted to have something to tell his father which didn´t either revolve around Rachel aka Meridiana or Art or More Art.

He stared at the girl. She was pretty, though, and she wasn´t at his school. He had met her just about one hour ago, and she had a nice name. Calypso.

She laughed as the door opened again, a pearling laugh, but not a nice one, so he turned his head as well.

Was that Rachel Dare?

Only she could have hair this red, he thought, and looked at her, nearly calling her over, because everyone was better to talk to than Calypso across him, when Rachel Dare noticed him, as well, and her face fell.

He saw her green eyes go blank, and then he saw the boy next to her, a boy with grey eyes quite similar to his, but hair a darker shade of blonde than his would ever be.

Octavian watched as the blonde boy talked to Rachel, then walked over to where he and Calypso sat, leaving Rachel standing there, she looked lost.

" Malcolm Chase" Calypso said, and Octavian couldn´t help but look suprised. When did her voice turn out to be that cruel? He disliked this girl more from second to second. " IS that Rachel Dare?" She asked, and the blonde guy- Malcolm- nodded.

" Yes." He said, and waved over to Rachel, as to join them, which she refused.

Malcolm threw her a smile, nothaways.

" Why are you here with that? Oh, is it "Be nice to Freak week" again?" Calypso asked, and laughed again.

Malcolm shot her an angry glance, then sighed. " And who is your date here, Calypso?" He asked, but Octavian shook his head quickly.

" Octavian, nice to meet you." He said. " I know Rachel, too. And, actually, I am done here. Mind if I join you and Rachel?" He asked.

The other boy shook his head, and they left Calypso sitting there.

 _`Till everyone´s the same_

 _I´ve got no place to go_

Rachel watched in horror as the two boys walked over to her.

She was going to get all of this back soon, and Calypso would make her pay for that.

Malcolm smiled at her as he came back.

" He said he knows you?" He asked, and she stared at Octavians face, the face that had been in a video once for her, only for her to see.

She looked at his face and all her thoughts were going crazy, because she liked him. Not him. Taviqan, Octavian, when did it all had been becoming so confusing?

" Yes. I do." She said, closed her eyes a second; then, she smiled at Malcolm before looking over at Octavian.

It hurt.

 _I've got no where to run_

 _They love to watch me fall_

 _They think they know it all_

 _I'm a nightmare, a disaster_

 _That's what they always said_

 _I'm a lost cause, not a hero_

 _But I'll make it on my own_

 _I've gotta prove them wrong_

 _Me against the world_

 _It's me against the world_

 _We won't let them change how we feel in our hearts_

 _We're not gonna let them control us_

 _We won't let them shove all their thoughts in our heads_

 _And we'll never be like them_

 _I've got no place to go_

 _I've got no where to run_

 _They love to watch me fall_

 _They think they know it all_

 _I'm a nightmare, a disaster_

 _That's what they always said_

 _I'm a lost cause, not a hero_

 _But I'll make it on my own_

 _I've gotta prove them wrong_

 _Me against the world_

 _Me against the world_

 _Now I'm sick of this waiting,_

 _so come on and take your shot_

 _You can spit out your insults,_

 _but nothing you say is gonna change us_

 _You can sit there and judge me_

 _Say what you want to_

 _We'll never let you in_

 _I'm a nightmare, a disaster_

 _That's what they always said_

 _I'm a lost cause, not a hero_

 _But I'll make it on my own_

 _Me against the world_

 _I'm a nightmare, a disaster_

 _That's what they always said_

 _I'm a lost cause, not a hero_

 _But I'll make it on my own_

 _I've gotta prove them wrong_

 _They'll never bring us down_

 _We'll never fall in line_

 _I'll make it on my own_

 _Me against the world_

 **I actually quite like that chapter**

 **please leave a review a favourite or something**

 _ **Yes, please do.**_

 _ **Also, if you review please write HazyIsAPhanTrashcan2k15 with it**_

 **Why Jem**

 **Why**

 **-Hazy and** _ **Jem :D**_


	6. I was here OR Colors

**Somebody got me into the Harry Potter fandom side of shipping Dean and Seamus**

 **Omg**

 _ **She was reading fanfiction**_

 **You weren´t even there**

 _ **I was here**_

 _ **I lived, and I laughed**_

 **I was here to post something**

 **Enjoy Chapter 6...already!**

Octavian never had been good with words when it came to feelings and stuff.

So, after he had been in the city of New York today, with Rachel and this boy, who he thought had to be her boyfriend, he started drawing it. Not the three of them, but a canvas of what he thought had to be Malcolm´s feelings towards Rachel.

He had only did this one time before, painting feelings.

He once painted his own feelings, the feelings he had towards Meridiana.

The canvas had been green, because he always thought of green when he thought of her. A dark, powerful green, like emerald, but also not like emerald...like emerald and woods and grass, wet grass after the rain in spring. It was green, and then there were blue spots all over it, not regular, but enough of them to show the respect he had for this girl, for her art. And because she liked the rain, and he, as well, liked it. So, it made sense to have blue in the pictures.  
The next colour he had added had been pink, a lightish one, almost rosé. He drew two lines and a circle, fully across the page, to show how quickly this crush had developed, how fast he fell in love with one line, which was straight; while the other line went up, representing the way his life had become better since he met her. The circle was for the point where he now was at.

There had to be yellow, too, on the sides; two big stripes that never met, but constantly shone out of the picture. Life is good, there is something shining for you, It´s her, they said.

And, as the last colour, there was also a deep gray, showing the doubts he had about this, if it would ever work out, if she liked him the same way. There had to be gray to show the fear he had whenever he asked her something, the fear of being turned down. The gray was like a line, close to the rosé line he had already drawn at this pout, and also very close to the rosé circle.

He had only done this one time before, painting his feelings for Meridiana, and it had left him nearly crying at three o´clock in the morning-

So, yeah, he didn´t like drawing feelings that much as he liked drawing persons. So why was he doing it now?

 _I wanna leave my footprints on the sands of time_

He closed his eyes, thinking about the time when he drew his feelings for Meridiana.

He had done it in school, for a project, and his teacher had loved it so much it now was displayed in the school, because it was so deep, so real, so heartbreaking beautiful.

It was, indeed, heartbreaking. To him, and just to him.

Once upon a time he had planned on giving it to Meridiana, as soon as he would have known her adress; but under the current instances, he could never do it.

Just, no.

He was way to scared now that she might turn him down, and so the picture hang in his school, there for everyone to see but the girl who should have seen it all along; for everyone to see except for the girl this picture was all about.

His teacher wanted to send it in for a prize several times, but he always turned it down.

He couldn´t...

He did not want a prize for that, because all he wanted, the only prize that would weigh up this picture would be her.

It´s annoying how much time he could use just thinking about her and what could be, because he knew he could never get enough courage to ask, to really, really ask those words if he would meet her in person.

The artCon was in less than two weeks- ten days, for the records- and she was going and he was not.

Maybe it was good that he wasn´t going. He would only embarass himself in front of her, and then she would laugh at him-

Octavian just knew it would be that way.

So he closed his eyes, while his mind wouldn´t stop painting the canvas for Malcolm and Rachel.

Rachel Dare... she was...and, he was suprised by that, today she had been quite funny and nice and she had been so cool.

And now he started to like her name better, because Meridiana had the same name.

And he was in love with his little art friend, as his father always called her, whenever Octavian would talk about her.

 _Know there was something that, something that_

 _I left behind_

She closed her eyes, darkness all around her.

This day had been terrible.

She couldn´t stop staring at Octavian, because she knew now that he liked her, she knew that he had been flirting with the other side of her, and that he wanted to meet the other side of her.

And, the worst of all, there was now something between her, the real her, and Octavian, something like a friendship almost, she actually liked him, not just Taviqan after today. The whole him.

Her eyes fluttered open again as a small picture formed before her eyes, the three of them- her, Octavian, Malcolm- today, walking through Central Park. It had been fun, but she had been so sick in her mind, so scared that something could go wrong, so scared that Octavian could find everything out...

She couldn´t deal with that.

All she wanted when she didn´t tell Octavian that she was Meridiana, all she had wanted had been a little fun, she had wanted to ruin him when she would finally tell him that the girl he was so nice with was her.

Rachel didn´t think that it would ruin her, too.

Out of everything she thought could happen, she had never thought of what really had happened. She had made plans for ruining him, plans to destroy him-

But she had never planned on falling in love with him.

Variuos plans had been made, with every possibility included except the one that happened.

She had fallen in love with Octavian, Taviqan-

Rachel just couldn´t ruin him any longer...she would not be able to do that.

So, instead, she now was out and about to ruin herself instead.

 _When I leave this world_

 _I'll leave no regrets_

 _Leave something to remember_

 _So there you won't forget_

 _I was here..._

 _I lived, I loved_

 _I was here..._

 _I did, I've done_

 _Everything that I wanted and it was more than I thought it would be_

 _I will leave my mark so everyone will know_

 _I was here..._

 _I wanna say I lived each day, until I died_

 _I know that I did something in, somebody's life_

 _The hearts I have touched, will be the proof that I leave_

 _That I made a difference and this world will see_

 _I was here..._

 _I lived, I loved_

 _I was here..._

 _I did, I've done_

 _Everything that I wanted and it was more than I thought it would be_

 _I will leave my mark, so everyone will know_

 _I was here..._

 _I lived, I loved_

 _I was here..._

 _I did, I've done_

 _Everything that I wanted and it was more than I thought it would be_

 _I will leave my mark, so everyone will know_

 _I was here..._

 _I just want them to know_

 _That I_

 _Gave my all_

 _Did my best_

 _Brought someone some hapiness_

 _Left this world a little better just because..._

 _I was here..._

 _I was here..._

 _I lived, I loved_

 _I was here..._

 _I did, I've done_

 _Everything that I wanted and it was more than I thought it would be_

 _I wanna leave my mark, so everyone will know_

 _I was here..._

 _I lived, I loved_

 _I was here..._

 _I did, I've done_

 _I was here..._

 _I lived, I loved_

 _I was here..._

 _I did, I've done_

 _I was here..._

 **That´s quite nice, isn´t it?**

 _ **I think we did a good job**_

 **Yeah, it really has something to it**

 **ALSo schist will go down very bad, very soon.**

 **TAlk to you later lovelies**

 ***Troye Sivan Voice***

 **BYE**

 **\- Hazellyn and** _ **James**_


	7. Kiss me

**How unfair is just our love?**

 _ **From something real that´s out of touch**_

 **well, as sad as this sounds, we already are at Chapter 7...**

 **Enjoy! :)**

She stared at the screen of her phone, waiting for a message to arrive, but none ever did.

Silently, she closes her eyes, putting her phone away. Since a day Octavian, Taviqan, stopped texting her. Why he did this, she had no clue.

Maybe he didn´t like her that way any longer, or maybe it all had been a lie, everything he ever said to her...

Why was she always so unsure about everything that happened with him, now? It hadn´t been that way before; but yesterday, they had had a fight, and he had texted her a few words, angry words, but hurting ones notherless.

She had the feeling that, since then, everything had changed between them, because now, she was in constant fear that he would be angry at her forever; or that he would not want to be her friend any longer. That, not being friends with him any longer, that was something she could not take, and she knew it. She depended on him way to much, and felt stupid around him.

But, still, she had way to many feelings about him. Two days until ArtCon, that was just the cherry on top.

What was she supposed to do, now? Rachel felt so stupid now, for them fighting, because she knew it was her fault.

Would she give Money just to look into his brain and see if he felt the same for her? Hell, yes. She would do so much just to know if he still liked her, as pathetic as it sounded.

 _Settle down with me, and cover me up, cuddle me up_

Her eyes fluttered open as soon as her phone buzzed, and her breath got caught up in her throath with this stupid wish that it would be him, that he would sent her a text, even if she told herself not to get her hopes up. Why would he text her, he probably hated her.

Still, since their fight, she hopes that they can get back to where tehy were before, even if Octavian probably already had forgotten it then, her mind still kept coming back to the words he had texted her.

She looked at her phone, a bit hopeful, a bit frightened, though.

Please be him.

Please don´t be him.

She glanced onto her phone.

Malcolm.

A sigh fled her lips, and she closed her eyes. Relieved. Sad.

Then, she readt the message, and a shock struck her whole body; because he had sent a picture with it.

It was a simple picture, the picture he took when they had been out in Central park, he and her and Octavian-

And she looked so happy in the picture, a stupid Selfie taken by Malcolm, and she was doing a stupid face, Octavian next to her, he laughed and made it look like she had bunny ears, while Malcolm did a peace sign.

A single tear started in her eyes, made it´s way over her cheek.

She was being stupid, just because they ahd one fight. She was being so, so stupid.

 _Lie down with me,and hold me, in your arms_

Her head ached a bit, so she laid down again, put on music, listened to it silently, until her mother opened the door.

"Rachel, there is a boy outside our door, and he demands to speak to you... His name, I think, is Malcolm." Her motehr said, and Rachel sat up, stared at Malcolm, who waved shyly.

" What do you want?" She asked, silently.

 _And your heart's against my chest, your lips pressed to my neck._

 _And I'm falling for your eyes, but they don't know me yet._

Why is it so damn hard to come up with a topic to talk about with her?

Before their fight he always had at least seven topics to talk about with her, and now, nothing. Nothing, nothing, nothing.

He had written words he didn´t want to write in thsi fight, and he knew that he hurt her, but he never thought that it could have this effect on him, as well. In his life, he had often hurt girls.

But never himself in doing so.

His lips purse a it when his phone buzzes, and he caught himself smiling when he saw the picture Malcolm had sent him, the picture with Rachel in Central Park. He really wanted to talk to someone, so he texted Malcolm what he was doing, and he responded, that he was at Rachel Dare´s.

He sighed.

There were Rachel´s now, everywhere, everyday.

The girl he was in love with was a Rachel, as well, and he couldn´t help but smile at the picture; because they just looked like best friends were supposed to. Maybe he and Rachel, maybe they could be friends, after everything that happened still.

Maybe?

His eyes fluttered close, and all of sudden he imagined a world, where he and Rachel grew up together, were best friends, and maybe she would be in love with him, as well. Meridiana Rachel, of course. Maybe she would like him and think about him as much as he thought about her in this reality.

This was all so unfair, in his opinion. All of this, because why was it always him, always him who messed things up?

He just needed to say he was sorry to Meridiana, and maybe, maybe then he would finally get a good rest again. He decided to text her.

" Hello I´m sorry" He texted, but that didn´t feel enough.

" I´m sorry, I really am" He wrote next, but that still wasn´t enough.

Out of a habit, he wrote: " I´m in love with you", but deleted it right after-

No.

NONONONO.

 _And the feeling I forget_

 _I´m in love now_

She looked at her phone, and dopped it, biting her lip, staring at Malcolm.

" He´s in love with her" Was all she said. " He´s in love with me."

And then, she pulled Malcolm into a deep hug, laughing.

 _Kiss me like you wanna be loved_

 _Wanna be loved_

 _Wanna be loved_

 _This feels like I've fallen in love_

 _Fallen in love_

 _Fallen in love_

 _Settle down with me_

 _And I'll be your safety_

 _You'll be my lady_

 _I was made to keep your body warm_

 _But I'm cold as, the wind blows_

 _So hold me in your arms_

 _My heart's against your chest_

 _Your lips pressed to my neck_

 _I've fallen for your eyes_

 _But they don't know me yet_

 _And the feeling I forget_

 _I'm in love now_

 _Kiss me like you wanna be loved_

 _Wanna be loved_

 _Wanna be loved_

 _This feels like I've fallen in love_

 _Fallen in love_

 _Fallen in love_

 _Yeah I've been feeling everything_

 _From hate to love_

 _From love to lust_

 _From lust to truth_

 _I guess that's how I know you_

 _So hold you close_

 _To help you give it up_

 _So kiss me like you wanna be loved_

 _Wanna be loved_

 _Wanna be loved_

 _This feels like I've fallen in love_

 _Fallen in love_

 _Fallen in love_

 _So kiss me like you wanna be loved_

 _Wanna be loved_

 _Wanna be loved_

 _This feels like I've fallen in love_

 _Fallen in love_

 _Fallen in love_

 **YEY Jem**

 **We completed a angsty, fluffy Chapter *high fives***

 _ **I´d never believed we could do it**_

 **Me neither :D**

 **\- Hazy and** _ **Jem 3**_


	8. All about you

**Wow wtf how am I so creative tonight**

 _ **Hazyyyyyyy**_

 _ **Slllleeeeepppp**_

 **NEVER!**

 **Enjoy Chapter 8 ft. very sleepy Jem**

 _ **fffuuuuuccckkkk yooooouuuu**_

ArtCon, it was today. Finally, she thought, standing up and walking through her room, a big smile on her face as she put on her shirt, a black one, with a painting on it, her own painting ( in co-owned work with Taviqan) of Poseidon and Amphytrite. In her opinion, the best picture she had ever done so far. She looked into the mirror, brushed through her thick red curls and smiled again.

Gods, it was almost hilarious how excited she was, because she would meet her fans, the people that liked her art; and she would talk to them, smile at them, and maybe she actually could draw with them for a bit-

One day without being scared, she thought, without being scared of meeting the people of her school, that could hurt her in any way. Not today, today was her day, and she would enjoy every single second of it. She was sure about that.

Her mother knocked at her door just when she got her bag ready- it was full of her pictures, pencils and a bit of food, also a camera so she could film everything for Octavian, and she smiled at just the tought of his name, because he was in love with her, hell.

And that was something that made her incredible happy, so happy that she even thought of filming herself, too, sending it to him; she didn´t want to have any secrets any longer, because it could all be so easy, with him being in love with her and she slowly falling for him, too.

Rachel smiled again, and bit her lip. Slowly falling for Octavian, that was a nice way of saying what really was the thing. Gods, she was heads oveer heels in love with him, and after the message yesterday, she had hugged Malcolm so tightly he nearly ran out of breath.

She had explained to him after that, mainly because he was the person she had that was closest as a friend to her, except for Octavian, but she clearly couldn´t tell him about this. She giggled and opened her door.

" It´s the big day, sweetie." Her mother said, and she nodded, smiling like a little child.

It was, after all.

She closed her eyes, smiling as she nodded, and entered the car, her heartbeat faster than ever before. It was the day.

 _Why does she make sure to be so immature_

Her eyes fluttered down in the car, her mind racing from one topic to another. She would meet people who liked her, who liked what she was doing. She sighed, deeply.

She was happy.

Her mother dropped her outside the building, it was three hours until the ArtCon would start, and she was already shaking, her breath fast, as she walked to the ticket house.

" Name?" The man behind the window asked, and she smiled.

" Rachel E. Dare, my Art Name is Meridiana." She said, and the man nodded, handing her her pin-up-card.

She smiled, walking into the big hall, looking around for her place, where she could put up her things. She hummed while searching, thinking of Octavian.

" 6325...6325..." She mumbled, when she ran into someone.

She almost fell down, staring up into mystic grey eyes that crinkled into a laugh as soon as the person started talking.

" Careful, girl...Wait, Merry?" The person said, pulling her up to her feet, and she was across a boy with brown curls, behind him a girl with long, brownish hair and green eyes, smiling at her.

" No way. You´re Merry?" The girl asked, and she looked at the cards of the people in front of her... and started smiling.

It were two persons with whom she had worked before, on a few collages. Greylilac (the boy) and Flowingofspring (the girl).

She smiled at them, nodded.

" Yep, Meridiana in her true form. Are you here together? You look beautiful, Flora." She said, but the girl just laughed.

" Call me Katie. He" She pointed to the boy " He´s Travis" Katie said. " yeah, we´re here together. You can´t help them fans if they want their Flowinglilac" She said, and Rachel laughed.

" Where´s Taviqan?" Travis asked her, and she sighed. " I wanted to see my OTP in real life." He said, and she laughed a bit with Katie.

" His Dad didn´t allow him to come here" She said, sighed.

" Oh no, That´s dumb"

 _about these things,_

 _I don't want you to change around it_

She waved at them after they had continued talking for another ten minutes and made her way to her place, starting to build up everything, humming softly, filming a bit of it.

Rachel hummed along as music started and the first people came in.

And then, she saw him.

Her world started to colliding as he walked over to her, his eyes widening with every step he was taking. He told her he wouldn´t come, she thought that she was save today. Why was he here?

 _And sometimes love will end and all will be forgotten_

 _Then someday we will laugh about it._

 _And you say, that Its alright_

 _And I know, that it's a lie_

 _From the black in your eyes_

 _You don't have to do this on your own,_

 _Like there's no one that cares about you_

 _You don't have to act like your alone,_

 _Like the walls are closing in around you_

 _You don't have to pretend no one knows,_

 _Like there's no one that understands you_

 _I'm not just some face you used to know,_

 _I know all about you_

 _And you should know that someone cares about you,_

 _I know all about you_

 _Here I am still holding on you're finding ways to break the bonds,_

 _They're stronger than you realize_

 _You could say that I've not tried,_

 _I've let you down,_

 _Left you behind_

 _But you're the one who's saying goodbye_

 _And you say, that Its alright_

 _And I know, that it's a lie_

 _From the black in your eyes_

 _You don't have to do this on your own,_

 _Like there's no one that cares about you_

 _You don't have to act like your alone,_

 _Like the walls are closing in around you_

 _You don't have to pretend no one knows,_

 _Like there's no one that understands you_

 _I'm not just some face you used to know,_

 _I know all about you_

 _And you should know that someone cares about you,_

 _I know all about you_

 _And you should know that someone cares about you_

 _I know all about you_

 _And you say, that Its alright_

 _And I know, that it's a lie_

 _From the black in your eyes_

 _Here I am still holding on you're finding ways to break the bonds,_

 _They're stronger than you realize_

 _And you could say that I've not tried,_

 _I've let you down,_

 _Left you behind_

 _But you're the one who's saying goodbye_

 _And you don't have to do this on your own,_

 _Like there's no one that cares about you_

 _You don't have to act like your alone,_

 _Like the walls are closing in around you_

 _You don't have to pretend no one knows,_

 _Like there's no one that understands you_

 _I'm not just some face you used to know,_

 _I know all about you_

 _I know all about you._

 **Woops**

 **Well, dil with it**

 **OMG PINOF 7 thoughhhh**

 _ **Tratie for Silverhuntresses in this.**_

 **-Hazy and** _ **Jem :)**_


	9. Give it all

**This is it. Chapter 9, and only my dear friend, the good Anna does know what will happen now**

 _ **AND ME**_

 **Yes, and you, Jem.**

 _ **Okay. So.**_

 **I´m not hinting the song this time. If you don´t know it, eff you. (Nah I love you)**

 **Anyways, enjoy Chapter 9!**

He walked around ArtCon, looking around. He had no idea where to go, all he knew was that he wanted to meet Meridiana.

It had taken him so, so long to convince his father, and only when he said that he wanted to meet Meridiana his father had given in and let him go here, even if his Art now wasn´t portrayed, he had a few drawings with him.

But the most important thing right now to him was meeting her, meeting her, meeting Rachel aka Meridiana.

His heartbeat was faster than usual, but he had expected that. What he hadn´t expected was the bad feeling in his stomach. Back when he had met Paperlucies that hadn´t been like that.

But now, now, now, his stomach fluttered all the time and he was afraid he might throw up if he would see her in real life, and if she was what he imagined she was. She would be, he just knew.

His heartbeat grew even faster.

 _I´ve heard so many words_

He looked at a card, staring at it, searching for a name. M... M... M..

There were two names he knew, and maybe they would know where his princess was.

He smiled, walking toward where he had readt those two should be. Greylilac and Flowingofspring, two of his friends. He grinned to himself, walking through the crowds of people. Surely they would know where Meridiana was, and maybe they could tell him how she looked... and he was dying to meet them, either way, so it was nice finally seeing them. He grinned again.

" I´m sorry?" A girl behind him asked him all of sudden. " Do you know where... In No way. I think I know your face, don´t I?" She asked, and he looked at her irritated. She didn´t look familiar at all... Was She Meridiana?

He stared at her. " I´m sorry? I don´t think we know each other?" He said, and she laughed.

" Of course, Taviqan, right? We worked together... about a year ago on a picture... we drew Chiron and Arachne? Don´t you remember? AchinEcho?" She said, and he nodded, all of sudden the memory came back to him.

" Yes! You!" He said, and she laughed. " Call me Octavian, though." He said, then noticed that she was holding something in her hand, a signed autograph from-

" You know where Meridiana is?" He asked and the girl nodded.

" Yes, If you want to see her I can show you" She said, but he shook his head. He wanted to find her alone.

 _But I had no courage_

 _Now we´re saying Goodbye_

 _Don´t want to miss you tonight, oh_

So, instead, he went out and searched for Greylilac first.

He found him quite fast, because he already know how he looked like, so he just walked over, accidentally disturbed Travis while the boy was trying to flirt with Flowingofspring aka Katie.

" Hello friends" He said, and they turned around, looking at him. "It´s me. Taviqan"

Before he could say something else, Katie already hugged him, mumbling. " Hi. Hi. Hi. I´m so happy to meet you" She said, silently, and he couldn´t help but laugh, while Travis just shyly waved.

" yo, yeah, Nice meeting you, Octavian" He said and Octavian laughed a bit.

 _Tell me it's not over now,_

 _I can change your mind somehow._

And then, all of sudden, his friends suggested that he went seeing Meridiana, and Katie wouldn´t stop saying how pretty she was but she wouldn´t tell him a single thing, except that she was really kind and that Octavian surely would like her even more in person than he liked her already online. Travis said that she was really cute, and that Octavian would find it hard not to stare at Meridiana for how pretty she was. They both said that she basically was the perfect girl for him, for Octavian.

He wanted to believe them so, so bad.

But there still was this bad feeling in his stomach, and when he told Katie, she started laughing-

" You´re in love!" She said, then whispered that it felt the same whenever she looked at Travis but "Sh don´t tell him"

He did, then quickly made his way to where they said Meridiana was, his heart bumping loudly in his chest.

Gods, he begged, let her be someone I like even in real life, he thought, but his confidence grew back with every step he took.

 _I, I give it all_

She will be perfect.

 _I trip and fall, for you_

Just imagine seeing her for the first time

 _And I, hope you wouldn´t mind_

She will be happy to see you

 _Just one more try, for something new_

You should totally kiss her.

 _I need you_

There is the table, there is she, look up now, LOOK UP

He did.

And froze in his place.

She could see him, too, and he came closer to her, his head unable to process those things, his mouth unable to form words.

 _I need you._

And then, finally, he could say something, but only one thing, and this was the only thing he could think right now.

" Not you. Not you" He said, and she stared at him and he stared back and it was horrible.

Not her, he thought.

Everyone but her.

Across him was Rachel Elizabeth Dare.

His heart inside his chest shattered with a horribly crack and he had to bite his lip.

The hand he had in his pocket, a drawing he did for Meridiana, with his own hands, and pencils and paper... This hand now slowly tore the paper he had in there.

By the gods, not her.

Please not

Her.

 _Don't be shocked if I cry._

 _You've changed me inside._

 _I turned my back on you._

 _You were the only reason I pulled through,_

 _I pulled through._

 _Tell me it's not over now,_

 _I can change your mind somehow._

 _My head feels so heavy,_

 _My heart is so empty._

 _I, I give it all._

 _I trip and fall._

 _I trip and fall,_

 _I trip and fall._

 _I, I give it all._

 _I trip and fall, for you. (Oh.)_

 _And I hope you wouldn't mind, (Hope you wouldn't mind)_

 _Just one more try (Just one more try)_

 _For something new,_

 _I need you,_

 _I need you._

 **I think I just cried a little bit.**

 **Dear lords, stop my feelings.**

 **I discovered "He Is We" for myself, so...**

 _ **Guess who had to listen to it with her all the time**_

 **It was Elena!**

 _ **Um...**_

 ***laughs***

 **Please leave a review and a few ideas for songs... Sorry in advance Anna for the upcoming Chapter...**

 **\- Hazy and** _ **Jem :)**_


	10. All about us AKA I m sorry for this

**In advance: I´m very sorry.**

 **ALSO: This will be a whole kinda smut but not smut chapter-**

 **NOT FOR EYES UNDER 12 ok**

He´s been staring at her for at least one minute now, and her eyes were tearing up slowly as she opened her mouth, nearly unable to speak any clear words.

" Octa-"

And just now, he seemed to cope with that, shaking his head, clenching his fists together. His pupils dilated quickly, and he stared at her.

He came closer to her, and for one second she believed that everything would be good, that he wasn´t angry at her; that he still was enough in love with Meridiana to be in love with Rachel Dare as well.

But then, he was close enough to whisper. Just whisper. That was enough he had to do, just whisper what he wanted to say.

" Everyone. Everyone, but you." He whispered, and she stared up at him, her eyes teared up and she couldn´t help but yelp silently when he continued talking, his mouth working so close to her ear. " Every. Single. Girl. But you, Rachel Dare. How dare you... No!"

At this point he had stopped whispering, taking a few steps back and shouted at her.

" No! You can´t be- I don´t allow you to be her! No, no, no, NO! You are not...You don´t deserve to be Meridiana. Every Single Goddam girl but you. Why does it have to be you? We were friends, Rachel, friends. Maybe not the best, but friends! How dare you do this to me. I don´t allow you to be the girl I´m in love with, you can´t be her! I hate you, I hate you!" He shouted, and she felt tears running down her cheek as she stood there in complete silence, because she knew she dserved his hate. She knew she deserved everyone he would say to her and everything he already said. She deserved everything he would ever say.

And so she embraced his next words.

 _Take my hand, I´ll teach you to dance_

" I hate you! You ruined everything, Rachel Dare- I was in love with her... You can´t be Meridiana, no. No, That´s wrong. I... I hate you!" He shouted at her, and now other people were getting closer to them in the small hallway they stood, and he stared at her, coming closer to whisper again. " I hate you, I hate you. I hate you, Rachel Dare. I hate what you did, because you already knew how this would end. And now? Now the joke is on me- was that your plan all along? The joke is on me, I get it, because I was so rude to you when we first met, hm? The joke is on me, and it always will be, because as much as I hate you, as much as I hate every side of you- even the Meridiana side- I can´t stop thinking about what I would like to do right now. You disgust me, Rachel, Meridiana, whatever your name is right now. Yes, you disgust me- but my heart and mind work so seperate I just really want to pinch you against the next wall and kiss the hell out of you." Octavian whispered, and she looked up at him again, blue eyes and blonde hair he was.

Tears still where streaming down her face, and she couldn´t stop them, she couldn´t say anything besides:" Please...I can...explain..." she stuttered, and he shook his head, angry as he was, still.

 _I´ll spin you around, won´t let you fall down_

 _Would you let me lead, you can step on my feet_

 _Give it a trym it´ll be alrigth_

" I don´t care if you can explain. I don´t care about anything you will ever say again. Just, stay away from me from now on, never talk to me again. Gods, Rachel, why did you do this? Why did you do this to me? Just because I was rude? I´m sorry. But...this... you knew that i was in love with Meridiana, that other side of you...and yet you never said a single word? Who does that, how evil are you deep down in your soul? Why. Did. You. Do. This. To. Me?" He whispered, then crooked his forehead. " And why do I still want to kiss you, after everything you´ve done? Why do I still want to hug you, kiss you, never let you go? Why don´t I slap you and walk away, hating you forever? I don´t know" His voice was barely a whisper now, and he pressed her against the wall she had been leaning on before.

" Why do I still have the urge to kiss you?" He whispered, and she wante to say something, but...couldn´t.

So, instead, she just stared up at him, their lips so close to each other, and fixated her eyes on his´.

And then he did.

Kissed her.

With his arm pressing her against the wall she was standing at, his hand holding hers in a iron grip, refusing to let go. She didn´t even want him to let go, she, being her and everything, would be totally fine with just standing here against this wall, being kissed angrily by Octavian for a long time. Because this, this right here and there made her so happy.

Of course, she knew that it wasn´t good and that she was probably the worst person ever to still enjoy this madness that was going on-

yes, she felt really, really bad for everything she did but this...

being kissed like this by Octavian... that was something else.

 _The room´s hush, hush_

And the, he let go of her, all of sudden, his eyes full of hate and disgust, his lips still so close to hers that if she leaned up she could have easily kissed him again, but rigth now, she didn´t.

" Why?" He whispered to her " Why does it have to be me? Why didn´t you tell me who you were before?" He whispered, and she shook her head, over and over again, biting her lip, not one second looking away from his eyes.

" I wanted to have a bit of fun with you" She whispered back. " I... it never was a part of my plan that we become friends. I wanted to tease you and... this..." She gestured between the both of them as good as she could while being still pressed against a wall. " This was never a part of my plan- I never planned on liking you" She said, and all of sudden Octavian was three steps away from her.

His eyes got even duller if that was possible and he shook his head now, ruffling through his hair.

" But this is excactly what happened now, Rachel- Rachel Elizabeth Dare. Why? You were my best friend" He said, his voice getting louder again. " My own best friend, pulling this cheap as heck trick on me!" He shouted, then his breathing calmed again.

" No." Octavian said. " Just, no. I´m going now" He said, and then, he was away.

She stared as he vanished through the crowds, her body shaking and her throath hurting.

Had that really happened right now?

Still shaking she continued through the day.

 _And now´s our moment_

 _Take it in feel it all and hold it._

She tried messaging him this evening, tried to explain everything, but he wasn´t online.

His Tumblr Bio had changed, as well, before there had been the ironic 'Tavidiana4ever' but now, there was only a small note at the end saying 'works with Meridiana' and a link leading to all of their pictures.

She even tried calling him, but he wouldn´t answer her.

And then, at midnight or something, a message came, saying: 'Why?'

She texted back before she knew what she was doing.

"I´m so sorry" She typed. Send.

She stared at her screen until another message came.

" I think I just will forget all of this" He texted, and she gulped, tears running down her cheeks again.

" But I won´t" She typed, sended it.

No answer came.

She wouldn´t forget this so easily.

 _Eyes on you, eyes on me._

 _We're doing this right._

 _Cause lovers dance when they're feeling in love._

 _Spotlight shining, it's all about us._

 _It's oh, oh, all,_

 _About uh, uh, us._

 _And every heart in the room will melt,_

 _This is a feeling I've never felt but,_

 _It's all about us._

 _Suddenly, I'm feeling brave._

 _Don't know what's got into me,_

 _Why I feel this way._

 _Can we dance, real slow?_

 _Can I hold you, can I hold you close?_

 _The room's hush, hush,_

 _And now's our moment._

 _Take it in feel it all and hold it._

 _Eyes on you, eyes on me._

 _We're doing this right._

 _Cause lovers dance when they're feeling in love._

 _Spotlight shining, it's all about us._

 _It's oh, oh, all,_

 _About uh, uh, us._

 _And every heart in the room will melt,_

 _This is a feeling I've never felt but,_

 _It's all about us._

 _Do you hear that love?_

 _They're playing our song._

 _Do you think we're ready?_

 _Oh I'm really feeling it._

 _Do you hear that love?_

 _Do you hear that love?_

 _Do you hear that love?_

 _They're playing our song._

 _Do you think we're ready yet?_

 _Love I'm really feeling it._

 _Do you hear that love?_

 _Do you hear that love?_

 _Do you hear that love?_

 _They're playing our song._

 _Do you think we're ready yet?_

 _Oh I'm really feeling it._

 _Do you hear that love?_

 _Do you hear that love?_

 _Lovers dance when they're feeling in love._

 _Spotlight shining, it's all about us._

 _It's all about us._

 _It's all, all, all, all._

 _Every heart in the room will melt,_

 _This is a feeling I've never felt,_

 _But it's all about us._

 _Cause lovers dance when they're feeling in love._

 _Spotlight shining, it's all about us._

 _It's oh oh all about us_

 _(Hey-ey hey)_

 _And every heart in the room will melt,_

 _This is a feeling I've never felt but,_

 _It's oh, oh,_

 _It's all about us._

 **Ouch! I hurt myself writing this...**

 **ALSO ROLE CREDITS *cinemasins voice***

 _ **Omg Hazy no go away**_

 **Shut up you´re like 12**

 _ ***stares***_

 **Soooo leave a review a follow and maybe a favourite?**

 **See you soon**

 _ ***staring intensifies***_

 **\- Hazy and** _ **Jem :)**_


	11. Sing OR the one where I cried

***lefloid voice* Yo what´s up guys how are you?**

 **Oh, it´s been to long, it´s been too long already again**

 _ **Yep.**_

 **Oh Jem my sun-**

 **You know what, just start.**

 **Enjoy Chapter 11!1!**

Her head leaned against the window when the school bell rang.

It had gotten worse, so much worse over this last week now, and she didn´t even have messages to help her through the day as she had had Octavians before. No, now she was just her, all alone.

And, dear gods, how much she hated that, because it hurt her. And, all alone, she had no one to protect her, which the others on her school used against her.

For example, she would just walk through school, or into cafeteria, and by the end of the day she would have been laughed at, thrown rubbish at and called out in front of everyone. Before, she ignored them. But, now?

Now she was sure that they were right because, yes, she was stupid and ugly and worthless, and now, she knew that there would be never someone out there who would fall in love with her for who she really was, not how she acted.

Rachel even had stopped drawing, and when her fans asked for more pictures, she just said:'Later' and logged off again, because she couldn´t do that any longer. Octavian still uploaded pictures, and it hurt her how good they were... he probably had for gotten her already.

 _Sing it out_

 _Boy you've got to see what tomorrow brings_

His brain wouldn´t shut up lately, telling him that he needed her to make his pictures good again, telling him that she was the best he would ever get and that he would loose her if he didn´t act. But he... he just couldn´t.

He had forgiven her as soon as he understood the point, but it was already to late now. She had stopped drawing, stopped talking to him and he felt like the most terrible person to ever live on this planet.

Because he simply could not deal with how much he missed all that, talking to her and laughing with her, drawing with her on Llevoid.

Octvian just... he missed her.

It had gotten worse, and now he spent much time just reimagining the scene at ArtCon. What if he had acted differently? Would they now still be talking? Would she... would she be in love with him, for real? He didn´t know and if he would, he wasn´t sure what he would do then, but he was sure about one thing: He just wanted to talk to her again. Rachel.

Dear lords, Rachel.

Rachel Dare.

Rachel Elizabteh "Meridiana" Dare.

He smiled sadly, his head leaning against his window again and he sighed deeply. Rachel, Rachel, Rachel.

His door opened shortly after that, and his father said something to him. Wow, that was something he really wanted not to do.

Octavian was still going to.

 _Sing it out_

 _Girl you've got to be what tomorrow needs_

Her door opened even if she had told her mother that, in no way, she was seeing him. She hated him. She loved him-

And she clearly didn´t want to see him.

Clearly.

So, she did the only mature thing: Turning away and ignoring the boy in her room.

Excactly how she ended up crying as soon as he entered the room, shaking and saying two words over and over again: " I´m sorry...I´m sorry...I´m sorry...I´m sorry..." She mumbled, her voice croaked and higher than usual.

She tried, at least.

But, to her own suprise, Octavian just stood there and looked like he was about to cry as well. Her breath got caught in her throath when he started speaking to her.

" I have one single question. Just one" He said, and she nodded, because whatever the question would be, she would answer it if that meant that he would need to hear the whole truth, the thing that formed in her head while she hid herself before him- He would needed to know why she did not tell him that she was Meridiana all along... And she would do it.

" Why?" Octavian asked, and she nodded, afraid to say the words. But she did, notherways.

" I´m in love with you" She said, silently, like a whisper.

 _For every time that they want to count you out_

 _Use your voice every single time you open up your mouth_

He fell.

Into deep, dark water, nobody there to pull him up, already he couldn´t breath anymore and he felt himself drowning slowly.

Then, he was in fire and everything burned and hurt and his throath and lungs were full of smoke. He was burning to his death.

Falling from a cliff-

Getting hit by a car-

Laughed at by everyone...

And then, he finally found his voice again.

He remembered where he was and what Rachel just said.

" Don´t" He whispered, and she stared at him as he said it again. " Don´t.."

" Don´t what?"

" Don´t be in love with me. Don´t be in love with me, Rachel Dare, because I am no good for you, as you can see already. Don´t be in love with me, I can barely do anything for you. I´m mean, I´m selfconscious and I... just Don´t." He said, and it hurt. Watching her face drop that way, that really hurt him.

But what was even worse was that she nodded. She just nodded, and then they stood there, he hugging her while she cried.

It was all just so unfair. He loved her, and now, she was in love with him, but they both knew that them being a couple would just hurt everyone else, and them, of course. It hurt, like this, too, but they both knew that it was just rigth that they weren´t dating.

 _Sing it for the boys, sing it for the girls_

 _Every time that you lose it sing it for the world_

Why, she stil didn´t understand. But she knew that it was just right. Even if she wanted it like crazy, even if she wanted nothing more than to be with him.

" We... we can be friends, still, can´t we?" She asked and looked up, still clenching onto his shirt. His blue eyes looked down at her, his pupils dilating shortly, for a second his eyes looked more black than blue, and then everything was normal again, and he nodded.

" Friends" He said, and then bit his lip. " Friends often do hug each other like that, don´t they?"

" Yes."

" And Friends can totally just spend an evening like that on your couch?"

" Yes."

" And Friends can watch romantic movies together and cuddle?"

" ...Yes." She said.

And that´s what they did. Because they were friends.

 _Sing it from the heart_

 _Sing it till you're nuts_

 _Sing it out for the ones that'll hate your guts_

 _Sing it for the deaf_

 _Sing it for the blind_

 _Sing about everyone that you left behind_

 _Sing it for the world, sing it for the world_

 _Sing it out_

 _Boy they're gonna sell what tomorrow means_

 _Sing it out_

 _Girl they're gonna kill what tomorrow brings_

 _You've got to, make a choice if the music drowns you out_

 _Raise your voice every single time they try and shut your mouth_

 _Sing it for the boys, sing it for the girls_

 _Every time that you lose it sing it for the world_

 _Sing it from the heart_

 _Sing it till you're nuts_

 _Sing it out for the ones that'll hate your guts_

 _Sing it for the deaf_

 _Sing it for the blind_

 _Sing about everyone that you left behind_

 _Sing it for the world, sing it for the world_

 _Cleaned up, corporation progress_

 _Dying in the process_

 _Children that can talk about it_

 _Living on the railways_

 _People moving sideways_

 _Sell it till your last days_

 _Buy yourself the motivation_

 _Generation nothing,_

 _Nothing but a dead scene_

 _Product of a white dream_

 _I am not the singer that you wanted, but a dancer_

 _I refuse to answer, talk about the past, sir_

 _Wrote it for the ones that want to get away._

 _Keep running_

 _Sing it for the boys, sing it for the girls_

 _Every time that you lose it sing it for the world_

 _Sing it from the heart_

 _Sing it till you're nuts_

 _Sing it out for the ones that'll hate your guts_

 _Sing it for the deaf_

 _Sing it for the blind_

 _Sing about everyone that you left behind_

 _Sing it for the world, sing it for the world_

 _We've got to see what tomorrow brings_

 _Sing it for the world_

 _Sing it for the world_

 _Yeah, you've got to be what tomorrow needs_

 _Sing it for the world_

 _Sing it for the world_

 **Oh it´s getting intense**

 **Man Skulduggery Pleasant**

 _ **Hazy not again**_

 **Yes again**

 _ **\- Jem who is scared of his gf because she is obsessed with a talking skeleton**_

 **and me, Hazy!**

 **See you!**


	12. That s what friends do (Hold me now)

**This is a story about a cactus-**

 **gods this cover...**

 **Enjoy Chapter 13... already...**

 _ **And see what friends can do to each other ;)**_

 **Jem stop :)**

She slid under the covers, because friends could share a blanket when they were with other friends, couldn´t they?

Octavian looked down at her, but she just smiled up at him, and he huffed slightly under his breath, his hand moving up almost automatically to brush out a strain of her hair that fell into her face. Her beautiful red, curly hair that matched so perfectly with her- no, Octavian, he told himself. She is your friend. Friends. Friends aren´t in love with each other, so you´re not in love with her, do you understand me?

He sighed softly when Katie started laughing.

It wasn´t the first evening they did like this, him, Rachel, Katie Gardener and Travis Stoll, who finally were a couple now.

He smiled over at Katie. " What´s so funny?" He asked, noticed how Rachel sat up next to him, shifting closer to him. Gods, she made it seem so easy, being best friends and everything. She never seemed to worry about this things as he did. For her, they were just friends now, while he... he wanted her, still, after everything. Gods, he wanted her so much.

" Oh, just Travis." Katie said and Travis rolled his eyes, sitting down next to her. " He´s an idiot" Katie added, and then she and Travis were giggling and making jokes.

Octavian felt his stomach drop, because as happy as he was for the two of them, it always reminded him of the fact that they had worked out, that they had found each other without any lies; it reminded him that they were happy and in love and had them.

And it reminded him that if he wouldn´t get over Meridiana, over Rachel, soon he would never have something like that.

He hated himself for being like this.

 _Fall asleep to dreams of home,_

But now he just needed to be okey with it, didn´t he?

His index finger played with one curl of her hair while they were talking to each other, as well as to Katie and to Travis; until, eventually, she took his hand in hers.

" Otherwise, you would have never stopped playing with my hair and you really can´t make knots into it again." She said and he laughed silently. " That´s not funny, Tavi" She said and he grinned.

" You´re not funny, too" He mumbled under his breath, then cleared his throath. " So. Um. How do you think that the movie will be?" He asked, because he didn´t knew and she chose the movie, which was called "The one who dies first is the one wit the longest death" or something like that,and she said that it was a very good movie.

" You will love it" She whispered back when the movie started. " But it´s scary, a bit-" She warned him, and he nodded.

The movie was a freaking horror movie.

It was a horror movie and even though he could pretty much take it, he heard Katie yelp sometimes in suprise, but it wasn´t until it got really scary that he started to really enjoy it.

Because when the next onscreen kill happened, he felt Rachel shifting even closer to him, she technically was sitting inside his lap now, and she turned around, eyes scared and wide open, like a child would have them.

"Hold me" She whispered, and he wrapped his arms around her, because that was what friends did, wasn´t it?

 _Where the waves are crashing._

 _The only place I've ever known,_

And as the movie got scarier, Rachel got even more affectionate, hiding her face inside his shoulder. Why on earth did she pick this movie if she knew that she would be scared while watching it?

" I´m so scared" She whispered and he leaned forward, closer to her.

" I can help you stop being scared" He whispered back, because an idea had just struck his mind. " A... it´s... just an idea... you don´t have to like it... I´m... I could kiss you" He mumbled, a stupid suggestion as it was, it really was.

She looked at him, and he felt his stomach drop. Oh, hell.

Before he had anything figured out, she had turned away already, and he was short to feel hurt, when she turned properly and pressed her lips against his.

He squeezed his eyes shut, his hands entwined in the curls of her hair, and he felt her shifting closer to him.

Did friends do that to each other, he didn´t know.

And when she pulled away about half a second later, he was pretty sure that friends did in fact NOT do that to each other.

He looked away a bit embarassed, and once again he was sure that he messed up everything again.

He just noticed how much in his life now was a 'again'.

Rachel, on the other hand, she wasn´t just an 'again', she was a 'once in a lifetime'.

Gods, how much he hated that, how much he hated her for making him feel like that.

 _Now the future has me._

 _I see the fire in the sky,_

" That... was very nice" He said when he brought Rachel home, holding her hand because she said it was freezing and that was what friends did, wasn´t it?

" Yeah" She said, then turned to him. " Look, about... about that kiss..." She said, but he interrupted her, to scared of what would follow after that.

" No, it was a stupid idea. I mean, some friends do kiss each other, don´t they?" He asked, and he was sure that she frowned a bit.

And then, he was pulled down into a hug, where he just stood for a second before he hugged back, wrapping his arms around her fragile but perfect stature, nuzzling his nose into her hair.

Was she... shaking?

" Are you okay?" He asked, careful, because he didn´t want to frighten her with his question; but she nodded, only looked at him for a second. In the dim light, her freckles seemed to dance over her face.

" So..." She said " You say, that it´s okay for friends to sometimes... kiss each other?" she mumbled, coming closer to his face " Like... maybe like that?" She asked and their lips brushed for a second.

His breath got caught inside his throath for a second, then he nodded. " Yes. Like that." He said, and she nodded.

He really didn´t know how they ended up making out for the next five minutes outside her doorway.

But sometimes... maybe sometimes not knowing was okay.

At least, right now.

 _ee it all around me._

 _I said the past is dead, the life I had is gone._

 _Said I won't give up,_

 _Until I see the sun_

 _Hold me now,_

 _'Til the fear is leaving,_

 _I am barely breathing._

 _Waking up and letting go,_

 _To the sound of angels._

 _Am I alive or just a ghost?_

 _Haunted by my sorrows._

 _Hope is slipping through my hands,_

 _Gravity is taking hold._

 _Said I'm not afraid, that I am brave enough._

 _I will not give up,_

 _Until I see the sun._

 _Hold me now,_

 _'Til the fear is leaving,_

 _I am barely breathing._

 _Crying out,_

 _These tired wings are falling,_

 _I need you to catch me._

 _As I burn,_

 _As I break,_

 _I can't take it anymore._

 _I return to the place,_

 _Where the water covers over everything._

 _Rescue me some how._

 _Hold me now,_

 _'Til the fear is leaving,_

 _I am barely breathing._

 _Crying out._

 _These tired wings are falling,_

 _I need you to catch me._

 _Hold me now,_

 _'Til the fear is leaving,_

 _I am barely breathing._

 **Oooooh that´s so nice**

 **For all of you: Yes, friends can kiss each other sometimes... that´s how we started, right?**

 _ **Yep, I think so.**_

 **Anyways, leave us a nice review or a PM.**

 **Talk to you, soon!**

 **\- Hazy and** _ **Jem**_ **x** _ **X**_


	13. The last someday that ever meant anythin

**Hululu we´re back with Chapter 13!**

 **It´s been so long, but I have to tell you something.**

 **Jem will never return to this story, we broke up, I don´t want to talk about it, here, have this chapter.**

 **Anyways, enjoy Chapter 13... already!**

Her hair had snow in it, and she was freezing, waiting in front of the coffee shop in Central Park. He wasn´t late yet, she only was early because she was so excited. It was like a date, what they had here.

Actually, it was a date. A real, going-out-and-meeting-and-maybe-making-out- kind of date.

Of course, Octavian still said that they could just be friends, still. But he also said he wanted her as his girlfriend the night that they made out after watching a movie. It was all so complicated yet they could make it so easy.

But, as Octavian had said: Just friends.

She sighed angrily, and looked at her watch. But, today. Today they would maybe sort everything out. She had thought that it was already sorted out when he asked her on this date.

And, then again, nothing was sorted out between the two of them.

They would apologize for every single step they made towards each other; would say sorry for every kiss and Forgive me for every hug they shared; there was a question in every second of holding hands and a Just friends in every meeting. It was almost funny. But, only almost.

Mostly, it just was really annoying.

At least, to her.

She looked at her watch again, he should be here very soon, she thought, when two hands were laid over her eyes and a voice close to her ear whispered seductively.

" Hey Meri" Octavian whispered into her ear.

 _Well I thought that we could sit around and talk for hours_

" Tav!" She said, turning around and pressing her nose against his shoulder, pulling him into a hug. " You´re almost late"

" Yeah, but, as you said, almost. Come on, Rach, I´m never late"

She laughed, because, well, he was never late. She just was always early.

He smiled at her a bit, then took a step back. " You look nice today" He said " All Christmassy and stuff."

" If you take me on a date on Christmas, that´s just what you get, Tavi" She said, and he laughed silently. So, this was a date, after all?

Still laughing, he pulled her inside the Coffee Shop, and only five minutes after, they sat across each other, smiling like the two dorks-in-love they were. Rachel loved that moment.

She smiled at him, when they started talking, about everything and everyone and all the things they always talked about to each other online. it was even better now that they could talk in real life without being angry.

" I saw the Picture you uploaded yesterday evening. Was it intentional that it looked like me?" She asked, and she could swear, Octavian was blushing like hell. She could swear.

" Oh... you mean the drawing of Aphrodite? Um... yes." He said, and she felt her stomach drop. " Yeah, I really thought about you when I drew this picture... Did you like it?" He asked, and she nodded, because, hell, yes, did she like this picture.  
Sighing, she stared at him with dazy eyes, her mind working out once again how she could draw his eyes of she tried to. She knew what colours she would use to draw his hair, his skin, even the stupid scarf he always wore. But she had no idea on how to do the eyes, his eyes, those eyes that had a special colour of blue... like the sky, but not like the sky, too. It was weird, so, so weird. She sighed again.

" Are you okay?" he asked her, and she nodded. She was just tired of this whole "just being friends" thing.

 _About things I couldn't say to you_

 _And things that we could never do_

 _And this conversation has had no face_

 _When the words take days_

 _You can re-write and erase anything_

 _You know my heart (so tell me honestly, did you ever really want this?)_

 _Knows all these_

 _And I'll borrow words from all my favourite paragraphs_

 _To write a ballad while we say the things_

 _We'd hope would mean the most to me_

 _And each letter sent_

 _I have found in the pages of hope for the days_

 _When I feel like I've lost everything_

 _You know my heart (so tell me honestly, did you ever really want this?)_

 _Knows all these parts ('cause my jealous heart can't take that)_

 _So I'll sing this song for every word that's come out wrong._

 _But, I'll be OK (Is that what you want me to say?)_

 _It's called break-up_

 _'Cause it's broken_

 _But I'll be OK (is that what you want me to say?)_

 _It's called break-up_

 _'Cause it's broken_

 _[Repeats]_

 _I'll be OK_

 _Is that what you want me to say?_

 _It's called break-up_

 _'Cause it's broken_

 _[Singing]_

 _I'll be OK._

 _Is that what you want me to say?_

 _'Cause it's broken_

 _And you were just about to tell me_

 _How you meant that you were sorry_

 _And the nights we've spent_

 _Have really meant the world to you_

 _Let's not pretend I'm keeping track on every note_

 _On every page the day she wrote_

 _The cherry flavored kisses_

 _Well, I taste them_

 _Do you miss it?_

 _[2x]_

 _I'll be OK_

 _Is that what you want me to say?_

 _It's called break-up_

 _'Cause it's broken_

 _Well I thought that we could sit around and talk for hours_

 _About things I couldn't say to you_

 _And things that we could never_


	14. Dream on

„ I honestly can´t take that any longer."  
Katie Gardener looked up, onto her screen again and into the devastated face of her drawing companion, whose green eyes looked almost a bit teary.  
„ What do you mean?"  
„ I mean excactly what I said. I can´t take this any longer. This whole situation. I can´t walk around and not talk with Octavian, I can´t take this. I hate the fact that nothing is sorted out between us. In a few days, we have New Years Eve already, and I´d love to spent the night with him, but not like that."  
„ Then talk to him. Really, Rach, it only can get better from where you two are now. And, isn´t New Years Eve like the perfect day to solve all this? Come on, it could be so romantic."  
„ Yes, because both Octavian and Me are so good when it comes to Romance", she said sarcastically, then just sighed. „I guess you´re right.", she added, ran her fingers through her hair as her mother called. „I have to go now… Happy Holidays, if we don´t talk again before New Years Eve."  
„ We have to", Katie smiled, then ended the Connection, and Rachel stood up, walked downstairs, to see her Mother seated on the Chair, her PC in front of her.  
„ I´ve just listened to your conversation. Do you plan on spending New Years Eve with Octavian? If so, that´s great, since I already invited him and Fergus over for this excact appointment.", her Mother smiled, then continued to read the Article she had opened on the Browser. „Oh, also, you can stay down here, Dinner´s ready in about half an hour… Okay, you can go upstairs."  
Rachel smiled, then went up, got her phone out.  
„ Hey, I just heard that we will spend New Years Eve together", she texted her blonde, best friend, and almost immidiately he texted back, a smile appeared on her face.  
„ Yep. Look forward to it!", he replied, and she smiled, even blushed.  
Yes, she was definitely looking forward tot hat.  
 _Every time that I look in the mirror_

 _All these lines in my face gettin' clearer_

 _The past is gone_

 _It went by like dusk to dawn_

 _Isn't that the way_

 _Everybody's got their dues in life to pay_

 _Yeah, I know nobody knows_

 _Where it comes and where it goes_

 _I know it's everybody's sin_

 _You got to lose to know how to win_

 _Half my life's in books' written pages_

 _Live and learn from fools and from sages_

 _You know it's true_

 _All the things_

 _Come back to you_

 _Sing with me_

 _Sing for the year_

 _Sing for the laughter and sing for the tear_

 _Sing it with me_

 _If it's just for today_

 _Maybe tomorrow, the good Lord will take you away_

 _Well, sing with me_

 _Sing for the year_

 _Sing for the laughter and sing for the tear_

 _Sing it with me_

 _If it's just for today_

 _Maybe tomorrow, the good Lord will take you away_

 _Dream On, Dream On, Dream On_

 _Dream Yourself A Dream Come True_

 _Dream On, Dream On, Dream On_

 _Dream Until Your Dream Comes True_

 _Dream On, Dream On, Dream On, Dream On_

 _Dream On, Dream On, Dream On,_

 _Ahh_

 _Sing with me_

 _Sing for the year_

 _Sing for the laughter and sing for the tear_

 _Sing it with me_

 _If it's just for today_

 _Maybe tomorrow, the good Lord will take you away_

 _Sing with me_

 _Sing for the year_

 _Sing for the laughter and sing for the tear_

 _Sing it with me_

 _If it's just for today_

 _Maybe tomorrow, the good Lord will take you away_

 **Hello. Oh my god. I abandoned this freaking story and now here we are and probably I´ll only post when I feel like it but love me okay bye  
Leave a review and please don´t hate me.  
\- hazellyn.**


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